Dave's Blog

I work in Tech Suport for a major DSL provider and we always get calls from people that are shall we say less than proficient on there computers.  I recently found a website called Computer Stupidites and below are some of the better ones.  Anyone that has ever done some kind of tech support can relate to these.

• Me: "DSL is a lot faster. It--"
• Friend's Father: "Yeah, but if you have DSL, there are a lot of threats."
• Me: "Yes, that's true to a degree, but there are firewalls that--"
• Friend's Father: "No, but they can hack into your computer even when it's off and steal your electricity."
• Me: "Umm...I'm pretty sure that won't happen."
• Friend's Father: "It's all over the news. You mean to tell me they're wrong?"
• Me: "...I guess so."

• Customer: "I got DSL, but it's not working."
• Tech Support: "What kind of modem do you have?"
• Customer: "Ummm, I dont know. It's built into my laptop."
• Tech Support: "Ok, did you receive the modem package we sent out?"
• Customer: "Modem package??"
• Tech Support: "Well, it looks like the modem was shipped to (address), Pennsylvania."
• Customer: "I don't live in Pennsylvania. I live in New York."
• Tech Support: "Huh. Do you know this Pennsylvania address?"
• Customer: "Yes, that's my Mom's house."
• Tech Support: "Ok, this DSL phone number you gave me -- is that your mother's number?"
• Customer: "Yes, they told me in order for me to have DSL, I need to have your company's phone service. My mother has it, so I gave them her telephone number."

• Tech Support: "Sir, Click Start, then Run, and type the letters C, M, and D."
• Customer: "Wait a minute, don't run off the end of the earth away from me now. I can only go so fast with this thing."
• Tech Support: "Sorry, sir. Did you click Start?"
• Customer: "Where is that start button? Oh, here is is. Now what?"
• Tech Support: "Um, did you click it?"
• Customer: "Dammit, no, do that now?"
• Tech Support: "Yes, then click on the word Run."
• Customer: "Dammit, slow down!!! Run, run, run, where the hell is run?"
• Tech Support: "Should be a the very bottom of the Start Menu that came up on the screen."
• Customer: "I already clicked Start. Click it again?"
• Tech Support: "No, it should be there in the lower left corner."
• Customer: "Hey, I found the word Run. You want that instead?"
• Tech Support: "Sure, why not? We'll see if that works. Did you click it?"
• Customer: "Yes."
• Tech Support: "Ok, type the letters C, M, and then D."
• Customer: "Slow down, dammit!! I'm not a programmer!!! I told you I'm only a car dealer!!"
• Tech Support: "Sorry, again, sir, what do you have there?"
• Customer: "Z."
• Tech Support: "No, we need 'C' like 'Charlie.'"
• Customer: "C-H-A-R--"
• Tech Support: "Not the whole word 'Charlie,' sir, just the 'C,' please."
• Customer: "If you don't want a Charlie, why tell me to type it?"
• Tech Support: "Um, what's in the box now?"
• Customer: "I'm trying to find the eraser here."
• Tech Support: "Just hit the backspace key."
• Customer: "That just moves it further to the right without typing anything."
• Tech Support: "Which backspace key did you press?"
• Customer: "The long one in the middle. I pressed it on the back side."

Eventually, we "found" the correct backspace key and got that Z replaced with a C.

• Tech Support: "Now that we just have a 'C' there, type an 'M,' like 'Mary,' but just the 'M,' ok?"
• Customer. "M-O-K."
• Tech Support: "Remember that backspace key?"
• Customer: "Yes."
• Tech Support: "Press it twice."
• Customer: "All right, but it took off the 'O' and 'K' you wanted."
• Tech Support: "Never mind that, I'll live. Now type a 'D,' just the letter D."
• Customer: "D. Now what?"
• Tech Support: "Now press the enter key."
• Customer: "E-N-T-E-R."
• Tech Support: "Is there anyone else around the lot that is maybe a little more familiar with computers than you are?"
• Customer: "Well, my wife uses one at her work and might be a little more familiar. She comes in in an hour. You want to talk to her?"
• Tech Support: "Yes, please."